Being Good Enough is the Question

Today, I caught myself thinking the question, "Do I have what it takes?" "And why this question?" Why do I question myself so much, if I have what it takes?! As the night was closing, my deepest insecurities came out.. It was silent as it dawn on me, but it was loud as it rested on my heart.

My boss and her entourage came in today to do her usual visitation and check up on her restuarant, and I made it a choice that today I will perform normal as I always, nothing more or less. I will simply "be", you know the usual Caroline boss/manager. But of course my store gets slammed with people, which was awesome due to such a sour economy. I did my best, but of course it was best I could do. I was off. I couldn't bartend like as normally I do. I couldn't get pass the busyness and get around to greet and check out how every table was doing. But I was doing what I am to do, cut labor and be the labor. So obviously, I couldn't do what I expected of myself.

Overall, the night went well. I'm sure I can always be more critical about myself, but I did the best I could with the lack of sleep as always. But the question was still loud.

Do I have what it takes to run this store? Am I doing a good job? All I want to hear is that I am doing a good job. Why such need for validation? Why am I such a performance based person? Every part of me battles against to not find my identity in my performance..., but I continue to struggle to get better. Something Greater needs to take over and renew this false mindset.